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Communicating at Work
By: Wendy Nickerson, Psy.D
With more and more technology entering the workplace, people seem to struggling with their actual face-to-face communication and conflict resolution skills. This is unfortunate because an organization is only as strong as the interpersonal skills of the people in it!
Here are a few basics.
1. "Seek first to understand, and then be understood." Make a conscious effort to truly listen without preparing your own response in your head while the other person is still talking.
2. Start your sentence with "I" so the other person will not become defensive. "I feel hurt that you did not invite me" will be heard whereas, "You hurt me," will only cause the person to become defensive.
3. When you are asking a question, start it with anything BUT the word "WHY". Where, who, when, what, anything but "WHY". Again, the word "WHY" suggests an attack, especially coming from a person of 'higher rank' so to speak.
4. If you are in a position where you are feeling attacked (especially over the phone), stand up when you speak. It will give you an increased sense of empowerment, allowing you to communicate more fully and effectively.
5. Take notice of the other person's language and use their words. Again, this helps to create harmony in the exchange and makes the listener feel like you are on the same page.
6. Follow the other person's nonverbal gestures as well. Again, this creates the notion that you are understanding one another.
>7. If you have a difficult message to leave in someone's voice mail, first leave the message in your own voice mail and listen to it. Know how it sounds to someone hearing it.
8. If you try to communicate when you are angry, you will not likely be effective. Take a deep breath, walk away if you can, and come back a few moments later when you are more in a state of equilibrium.
9. Take responsibility for your stress management. The more stressed you are, the less likely you will communicate effectively.
10. Remember that the fastest way to shut down lines of communication is to judge the person. Do not always assume a negative intent. "People are not their behaviors."
11. The most important conversation is the ongoing inner dialogue that you have with yourself. If you are not speaking positively and effectively with yourself, your outer language will not be effective, either.
12. Remember that conflict cannot be resolved at the same level of consciousness that it is being presented in. In other words, you most generally have to rise above it and be the 'bigger person'.
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