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Self-Image: It's Not Only What You Think About Yourself!
By: Wendy Nickerson, Psy.D
We hear so much talk today in both our personal and professional lives on how
to gain self- esteem and improve our self-image. In practice, the common theme
is, "If only I could REALLY like myself." We are told that by changing our
thinking about ourselves, we can become who we really want to be, having the
things we want to have, and doing the things we want to do.
This is all very well, but it is only the first step to changing your
self-image. Many people are not aware that there are other steps necessary to
develop your self image into a powerful magnet that is capable of attracting the
right people, the right circumstances, and opportunities that you have on your
mind and in your 'heart'.
The process of growing from who and what you are to who and what you want to
become, involves work and time. There are no shortcuts! It's sort of like the
caterpillar that must go through metamorphosis to become the butterfly who flies
freely. The caterpillar has to be willing to change in ways that may seem like a
struggle. In addition to changing your self-thoughts, I have included some tips
on how to speed up the process of changing your self-image.
1. Learn to Relax: It is only when we are relaxed that we can tap into that
wealth of knowledge and understanding in our subconscious mind. Conversely, a
lack of relaxation narrows your thought processes and impedes your judgment.
Ever notice that? How inspired and open your thoughts are after a vacation, or a
few days on the beach! It doesn't always have to be a vacation, though, as you
can achieve the same psychological state by simply training yourself to relax
for a few minutes. It's amazing the ideas that you will come up with and most of
them will be positive! Why? Because they are originating from a place of
calmness. Stressed people cannot think positive thoughts about themselves and
really mean them! It just doesn't work that way. The negative thoughts will
immediately emerge and supersede any kind of positive change that you are trying
to make.
2. Develop Good Life Habits: "The chains of habit are generally too small to
be felt until they are too strong to be broken." -Samuel Johnson It is easy to
develop good life habits, once you start to reap the rewards. By good life
habits, I mean doing things that foster adequate rest, exercise, nutrition, and
an overall sense of wellness. It is unlikely that you will be thinking positive
thoughts about yourself if you are tired and have not exercised in months. Keep
a journal and record some of your self-thoughts after a night of depleted rest
and watch how you sabotage yourself.
3. Become Creative: "If you think it, you can do it. If you can visualize it,
you can become it." Know that it is okay to be imaginative. It doesn't mean that
you "are not in the real world", or that you are a "little bit weird." It does
mean, however, that you are not limited by the status quo! By becoming creative
you are able to establish your life's purpose in it's fullest form. You are able
to develop a map for your life and live it out in such a way that you understand
and feel your purpose for being on this earth. One way to become creative is by
reading different and stimulating material. Get involved with different types of
people who offer ideas that are foreign to you. You might even want to try
living in a different country or culture for awhile. You will see more resources
and possibilities in every daily experience if your practice meditation. Learn
to visualize. It's only once your thoughts about yourself are in your vision,
that they will be realized!
4. Expect happiness! Sounds easy doesn't it? But you must focus on the good
in order to do this. Remember, that what you focus on, will happen. If you
listen to and read a lot of news, you are focusing on the bad, while undermining
the expectancy of happiness. If you go to sleep at night while listening to the
news, or anything negative, you doubly magnetize yourself toward the negative.
Did you know that you really do deserve to be happy? Little children know that
until they are socialized otherwise.
5. Learn To Be Yourself and Follow Your Passion. This is the only way that
you can discover who you really are. It is important that you stay as close as
possible to your "true self." In The Seat of the Soul, Gary Zukav describes this
as staying in line with the mother ship. When we follow our passion, our
energies are magnetized and we draw to us that which we need to fulfill our
life's purpose. When we do not, we feel depressed, anxious, and negative. Have
you ever noticed that when you are true to yourself, you are less stressed,
think more positive thoughts about yourself, and feel more energized for life.
Take the risk and live out your dreams, regardless of what you have been told
about yourself!
6. Don't Live In The Past! Learn from your mistakes or your experiences.
Although this is easier said than done, one way to speed up the process is by
asking yourself, "Okay, how can I enhance my life from that experience because I
know it was put in my life's path for a reason." Learn to realize that painful
life lessons can really be blessings in disguise. I have noticed that the most
personally developed and evolved human beings are those that have had many life
trials and triumphs. This is not to say that you shouldn't allow yourself to go
through the necessary steps of grieving. But staying stuck in the anger and hurt
stage is not good for the development of your "self". If you find yourself doing
that, ask yourself, "What am I am gaining by hanging on to the pains of the
past?" And be honest with yourself when you answer this question. "Do I get
people to feel sorry for me? Do I use my past pain as a conversation piece to
connect with other people? Do I feel safer because others will not hurt me if
they know I have been injured?" Whatever it is, it no longer serves it's purpose
because it keeps you in a 'victim mindset' and prevents you from bringing all of
your true strengths to the present.
7. Commit To A Lifetime of Growth. We grow through adversity and challenge.
Commit to grow in consciousness. What does this actually mean? In short, it
means stay in truth. The more you remain in a realm of truth, the consciousness
will take care of itself. The higher your level of consciousness, the more you
are likely to attain your life's purpose and live out your life's dreams and
goals. Allowing you to feel peace and serenity that you are on track and in
alignment with your spirit. Imagine what this does for your self-image Not to
mention, how it is going to enhance the lives of those around you!
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